![A montage of an underwater scene, some waves, a calendar, a california state map, and a swimming pool.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/2b14bdb/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x2000+0+0/resize/2000x1333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F18%2F71%2F0de494704831a976d0f6467108de%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-lead.jpg)
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![amid an L.A. heat wave. I am eager to go swimming. water has always been a refuge from my brain. I just resigned from my job.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/3882a4c/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fe0%2F3d%2Fc8dc91114609a6359ccfea81c203%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-01.jpg)
![what took me so long. a community pool, shedding chains by quitting. swimming in the pool.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/856bdb9/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F0c%2Feb%2F74a3fb1d4135b528e50b7679f764%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-02.jpg)
![I am home swimming off the coast of Ecuador. I'm not thinking about how I feel chubby in my swimsuit.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/9a14539/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F46%2F1b%2Fa72cda21466cb3507fc7496add32%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-03.jpg)
![I'm in Austin TX, Mami and Papi are separated. Here I float. time expands as I do cartwheels in water.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/cefb298/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fac%2F6d%2Fa6a2afdb4628821a75f7d89decea%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-04.jpg)
![I'm in the bay area, swimming at my best friends' house.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/32d4b04/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F27%2F2e%2Fc4eeba5743beae7a7b7a81813303%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-05.jpg)
![every day I do laps in the water. I say 1 1 1 over and over in my mind. I try not to spiral in grief.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/dd70c22/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F86%2Fc0%2Fc37f9a154faeae4e1a1c07300e41%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-06.jpg)
![I borrow friend's keys to pool in koreatown. I watch kids and parents, think about my own Papi.](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/1a2413c/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fdd%2Fe9%2F5e0953304751baf91fdba333f1fc%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-07.jpg)
![I'm in the ocean off St. Croix, the water is warm. I snorkle and see a fish faster than I expected](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/c71e7f8/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fb9%2F19%2F0a56d28e47b8b3384be401ce737e%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-08-new.jpg)
![the sunset is purple and orange. I feel full. I'm going to quit my job. I lie on my back and stare at sky](https://ca-times.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/d4e7338/2147483647/strip/true/crop/3000x3500+0+0/resize/2000x2333!/quality/75/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcalifornia-times-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Ffa%2F55%2F54ce626a4860aec750080b840fd3%2Fla-oe-fernandez-water-09.jpg)
Andrea Cañizares-Fernandez is an Ecuadorian-American artist, actress, writer and climate justice organizer. She grew up in many places, but mostly Austin, Texas, and now lives in L.A. Instagram: @byandreacf
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