It’s not just who wears the pants, it’s what style

Dear Amy: I have a wonderful, loving husband who can be a tad controlling. Honestly, he would probably say the same about me.

My husband wanted me to have some new jeans for Christmas, which was a nice thought because I am still wearing my maternity jeans. I had my third child a year ago so, unfortunately, I am no longer the size 8 that I was when we married.

We went shopping, and he kept picking out jeans I hated. We had a big fight.

I know that when you are given a gift, it is the thought that counts, but is it wrong for me to want to pick out my own clothes that make me feel comfortable and look good on me?

Should I just wear what he picks out and be thankful?

Ungrateful

Dear Ungrateful: This tussle is really a metaphorical tug of war over who “wears the pants” in your family.

You are correct that when receiving a gift you should be appreciative, but your husband needs to realize that jeans fall into a special category for women because we have an unusual (sometimes oversensitive) reaction to how our behinds look in denim.

Your husband may be trying to tell you that he wants the “old you” back, and you could use this episode as an incentive, but if you aren’t ready to graduate from your “mom jeans,” he should take a rain check

In a healthy relationship, partners understand that each will wear the pants at different times.

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Dear Amy: I’m getting married in September. My mom and I have been paying for everything related to the wedding, and my father and stepmother haven’t offered any money.

They’ve been telling me about financial hardships, but I notice they have been buying high-ticket items for their three girls.

How can I ask them to contribute?

My fiance’s family also hasn’t offered to contribute.

How do I broach that subject with them?

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: You and your fiance should be in charge of paying for your wedding.

Consider this the first test of your marriage.

If your mother isn’t in the mix, your father may be more inclined to contribute, and if your future husband takes the lead in approaching his family, they may pony up. The best way to do this is respectfully -- and in person.

Only plan the wedding you know you can afford.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to [email protected] or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.