LAUGH LINES

Degree in Drinking: “The Chronicle of Higher Education reports alcohol arrests on college campuses are up 24%. Police say many kids are drinking their way through college. Who says George W. Bush doesn’t have a record of leadership?” (Argus Hamilton)

Verdict Is In: “A federal judge [says] the Microsoft split must last for at least 10 years, or the length of time the average consumer has been put on hold with Microsoft technical-help services--whichever is longer.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Couch Potato Nation: “A study reveals young Americans are too sedentary and out of shape. In fact, under ‘most recent strenuous physical activity,’ many listed ‘getting a tattoo.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

Young at Heart: “Is Ted Turner falling for a 28-year-old English professor? The New York Daily News says he’s involved with Karen Rosefeld, [who is] younger than all five of Turner’s children. . . . Now Larry King’s wife finally has someone to play with.” (Mark Wheeler)

Multiple Personalities: “Vice President Al Gore gave a speech . . . saying he is concerned about the issue of mental health. He’s not alone. After Gore unveiled his sixth new personality in one year, everyone’s concerned.” (Hamilton)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.