Moppet Manners

Raising her children on the mean streets of Manhattan Beach, Pat Real said, she used to cringe whenever her son Joey, now 8, ate at a neighbor’s house or at a restaurant.

“My child is an animal,” she joked. “He’s never met a utensil he likes. He eats with his hands.”

City officials realized that Real was not the only parent worried about sending an unmannered child out into the increasingly yuppified world of Manhattan Beach, which has seen a recent influx of entertainment and Internet money. So they created what they say no other Los Angeles area municipality has: city-sponsored etiquette classes for children.

The youngsters are taught which fork to use when, how to ask on the telephone to speak with a friend, how to shake hands during an introduction, the proper way to walk and sit down, and how to listen to others.

All that is proving increasingly popular since the program began three years ago. The 11 summer sessions, each with a total of six hours of class time, are nearly filled and more are planned for the fall. Parents pay $70--about the same as for a city-sponsored art class.

“Parents are very concerned that their children have proper manners,” said Idris J. Al-Oboudi, recreation services manager for Manhattan Beach. Al-Oboudi said he got the idea for the classes after seeing a television program about children’s etiquette three years ago. In a success-oriented community such as Manhattan Beach, or indeed, any community, manners classes should be just as available in the summer as science classes or sea kayaking clinics, he said.

“This helps them know what to do, how to do it and why to do it. You don’t get a second chance at first impressions,” Al-Oboudi said. “In the modern communities we live in today, sometimes we tend to forget these things. If you learn these skills, you will be able to hit it off with your teachers, with your counselors and express yourself much better.”

Real agreed. “I love it. I love that we’re that cultured in Manhattan Beach,” she said recently, peeking in the window of the tiny classroom in Manhattan Heights Park where Joey and 15 boys and girls younger than 10 were reviewing the proper techniques for buttering and eating a dinner roll.

Inside, 8-year-old Sarah Strickley clutched her mouth with both hands, her eyes wide with horror.

After politely offering bread to the girls seated on either side of her, Sarah had jerked the plate up too quickly, sending an errant roll bouncing onto the table and then--as all three girls gasped--onto the floor.

Their instructor, Maggie O’Farrill, took it in stride. After all, she noted, one of the ironclad rules of etiquette is that it is impolite to publicly correct others’ behavioral lapses, although you may silently judge them.

O’Farrill knows her manners; it’s her family business. Her mother, Margarita O’Farrill, had one of the first Spanish language etiquette shows in Los Angeles, and her brother and sister are etiquette teachers. This summer, she is assisted by her son, Bryan, 22.

Her most important lesson, O’Farrill said, is for the children to treat other people well. “Behind all etiquette is the golden rule,” she said.

But many parents said they put their children in the classes not only to do unto others, but also to help themselves.

“I think it’s really important to know manners and etiquette,” said Helen Griffin, who enrolled her 8-year-old son after she noticed him wiping his mouth on his sleeves. “My husband thinks I’m crazy . . . but first impressions are so important, especially for college and professional years.”

Many children politely concurred, at least in front of their teacher, as they chomped on chocolate cake while learning the proper method of using a fork to cut soft foods. (A few parents confided that they had to bribe the children with Nintendo games to get them in the door on the first day.)

“I’m learning better manners,” said Kimberly Olson, 8, delicately swabbing at a hunk of frosting on her chin. “It’s important to put your napkin on your lap.”

To sweeten the etiquette lessons, children have eaten waffles, sweet cereal and orange juice--stand-ins for finer dining options of steak, soup and sparkling water.

This combination of sweets and sensible instruction works well with children, O’Farrill said.

Children don’t always listen to their parents’ attempts to instill proper manners; it’s easier to hear it from a teacher and in a group, she said. In addition, many parents themselves may not know which fork to use and which person to introduce first. That leads O’Farrill to stress another rule: She tells the children not to go home and berate their parents for improper manners.

Nevertheless, some children have been unable to resist, parents said.

Meg Borcia, who works as a ticket agent for Northwest Airlines at Los Angeles International Airport, said she is victimized by the general public’s lack of etiquette on a daily basis. Recently, she has been receiving a steady stream of table-setting tips from her two children, both enrolled in O’Farrill’s classes.

She doesn’t mind. Her children, she said, tend to tune her out when she corrects their manners, Borcia said. Yet, when O’Farrill complimented her son’s waffle-cutting skills, he came home delighted.

“I think having good manners makes them feel like they’re respected,” Borcia said.

However, her son has cautioned her not to expect a complete change in behavior. “He told me, ‘You know, Mom, just because I learn it here doesn’t mean I’m going to use it at home,’ ” she said.