LAUGH LINES

Ready and Willing: “According to British tabloids, a businessman reportedly offered Britney Spears $11 million for a night of sex. Today, Darva Conger (of ‘Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?’) said: ‘I’ll do it! I’ll do it!’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

The Reel Scoop: “Al Gore told reporters his favorite film is ‘National Lampoon’s Vacation.’ It was embarrassing. Aides wrestled him to the ground before he could say that Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo’s characters were based on him and Tipper.” (Argus Hamilton)

Soap ‘n’ Stuff: “Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura recently taped an episode of the soap opera ‘The Young and the Restless.’ When asked about it, Ventura said, ‘It was strange. I’m not used to having someone else come up with dumb things I say.’ ” (Conan O’Brien)

The Grill Team: “It’s been reported that hamburger, steak and chicken are the most grilled things in America. The fourth? Bill Clinton.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Royal Treatment: “Sean Connery was knighted by Queen Elizabeth. . . . This, after decades of worldwide stardom, tabloid headlines and wild car chases. But enough about the queen--Connery has had an interesting life too.” (Hamilton)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.