LAUGH LINES

Give a Little: “One in four Americans say they would donate a kidney to a complete stranger while they’re still alive. You believe that? You think it’s true? That’s really amazing when you realize nine out of 10 Americans won’t even let a complete stranger merge into traffic.” (Jay Leno)

Smoke It: “Tobacco giant Phillip Morris has made a bid to purchase Nabisco. The buyout will give consumers a larger variety of products to choose from at their grocery stores, according to a Phillip Morris spokesperson. . . . That means that Oreos will soon be available in regular and menthol.” (Ira Lawson)

Caught on Tape: “In a new CBS show called ‘Big Brother,’ . . . people will have their every move broadcast on TV. . . . They’ll be caught picking their noses, spitting and scratching. . . . TV already has that--it’s called baseball.” (Jerry Perisho)

Shooting It Up: “A man accidentally shot himself in the hand with his own gun, and when police arrived, they found 27 pot plants in the man’s apartment. Not surprisingly, the man said the hardest part about shooting himself in the hand was getting off the couch to get the gun.” (Conan O’Brien)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.