LAUGH LINES
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To the Rescue: “A study by drug company Pfizer shows that Viagra is not harmful to the heart. Meanwhile, Bayer is planning to come out with an anti-impotency drug. Best part: After you take the drug and your wife gets a headache, Bayer can help you there too!” (Daily Scoop)
Medicine Man: “A doctor in Vancouver [reports that] for some of his patients with hypertension, being in the doctor’s office actually helps lower their blood pressure. . . . That’s before they see their bill.” (Ira Lawson)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Ted Turner Pickup Lines
10. “One more drink and I’ll be ready for a merger.”
9. “Wanna go back to my place and make some ‘Turner Classic Movies’ of our own?”
7. “How tall am I? I’m 5 foot 9 . . . 6 foot 7 when I stand on my wallet.”
5. “Baby, I wouldn’t get tired of you for at least a year.”
4. “Marry me and you’ll have the same name as dozens of lousy cable stations.”
3. “I’m a captain of industry by day, and Captain Makeout by night.”
2. “How’d you like to go to third base on Turner Field?”
1. “Who wants to be a billionaire?”
Send jokes to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.
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