LAUGH LINES

Tall Order: “The world’s tallest towers have opened in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The Petronas Twin Towers are 1,483 feet tall. Words you don’t want to hear in that building: ‘Elevator’s out. Gotta take the stairs.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Been There, Done That: “According to a recent survey, a majority of Americans believe that committing adultery should not disqualify someone from holding political office. . . . I think this poll was done before. It was called . . . ‘The Last Presidential Election.’ ” (Jay Leno)

That’s Life: “The average life span in Japan is 74.5 years. An Aussie can hope for 73.2. In the U.S., it’s 70--unless you’re a house Republican . . . in which case, life expectancy is 2.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Hot Stuff: “The latest trend at topless clubs are lap dancers who handcuff patrons to the chair. Anyone know the name of the place where this first started? . . . ‘The Oval Office.’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

Crash and Burn: “According to astronomers, star collisions are rampant and catastrophic. . . . In fact, scientists are calling this phenomenon ‘The Halle Berry Effect.’ ” (Daily Scoop)

Back to School: “In Minnesota, there is a school for men who have been caught with prostitutes. Instead of sending you to jail, they send you to a school with other guys who have been caught with prostitutes. Are guys going to learn anything from that? You know, a year later, guys are going to be going, ‘Honey, I’m going to my class reunion. We’ve got a bunch of guys coming in.’ ” (Leno)

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